Overcoming Helplessness with Acceptance

In a world where many things are out of our control, we spiral downwards losing hope and feeling useless to the challenge.

Diliny M. De Alwis

23 Jun 2023 — 3 min read

Life Lessons

Overcoming helplessness with acceptance

Today I admit to falling into the trap of a rageful warrior.

The problem: YouTube’s influence on the attention spans of my children.

Description of the problem: My eight-year-old son was caught red-handed with his device. Youtube and Minecraft come to mind. My five-year-old daughter, hand on the remote control, youtube on her mind.

Partial solution: Months earlier, my eldest, at twelve, recognizing the temptation and what our family has termed ‘zombie-ism’ around watching YouTube, had asked that we remove the app from his phone. Now, parallel to my way of breaking my FaceBook addiction, he uses Chrome to watch YouTube.

Spiralizer: I spent two hours navigating Family-Link and growing enraged at the limited experience and controls Google provides for managing its apps.

Reflect: I realize the rage was born of frustration at knowing even IF I install a block, even IF I talk to the kids, even IF I do all the things right — there will still be the constant pull/push of social media and video apps to grab their attention.

Facts: Schools are now dependent on youtube content for education. I can not remove devices entirely from their experience. Neither can I delete youtube (which I watch) from our TVs.

Me: Seething like the animal from the muppets. I gathered myself and realized I had to find a way to accept the situation.

Wikipedia photo of Animal from the muppets — Animal © Disney

How to accept what I can’t control? The following quote from Rumi says it all:

Be empty of worrying. Think of WHO created thought! Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open? Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking. Live in silence. Flow down and down in always widening rings of being.

- RUMI

This is life. The black mom who has to explain to her kids about racism is angry and frustrated. The indigenous Canadian asked, ‘where are you from’ is angry and frustrated. Parents all over the world are frustrated at this same problem. We fear sexual predators. We fear our kids being influenced. We fear left or right thinking. So much fear rules when you spiral out.

Unfortunately, none of us have the power to change the world. All we can do is figure out how to live comfortably in it.

Hearing and seeing my morning frustrations, my daughter drew me a card.

Pink paper with children’s writing I love you 100 harets followed by a line of drawn hearts in the colors of the rainbow. — Card saying ‘I love you 100 harets’, by my five-year-old daughter.

I was immediately struck by the realization that despite my frustrations, what matters at the end of the day when you spiral out is that YOU ARE BETTER THAN YOU THINK.

Let go of needing to fix it all.

This world will continue to be imperfect. We must make small strides in whatever way we can. Our kids will see us, know us, and reflect on our strengths, so it’s essential to live in the moment and show them how it’s done.

We hugged while I planted several kisses on her eager face.