We are our worst, and best, critics.

Writer Life

We are our worst, and best, critics.

I reworked the first chapter again. At a stopping point, I closed the file, refusing to write more yesterday. It was 11 AM.

At bedtime, I was frustrated. The only thing that got me out of my funk was knowing I had a copy of my previous version.

My writing style is Tolkien-esk. I create vivid worlds and complex characters. To most of my author friends reading a first draft, the advice I receive is to keep an eye on the pace and be more deliberate in how much information I am dumping. Show, don’t tell!

So, I stretched my work like taffy. Initially, it was barely malleable. I reviewed my character arcs, what I wanted nuanced in the story, and what a reader needed to discover. I cut, I added, I pasted. The fabric of my novel changed and became more pliant.

Then comes the taffy pull. Did I pull too hard? Is it too thin? Is it too soft? Did I just introduce even more complexity to my story? Is it boring? Is it too long? I was more deliberate on the characters I focused on. Was it too much?

So many questions and doubts. This isn’t my first draft. This is my 10th.

I went to bed thinking, what am I doing? I’m the worst. Why am I doing this? I’m shooting myself in my foot. How could I doubt my earlier brilliance and listen to the critics?

Strange thing: I woke up this morning, and while drinking my cup of tea, I read over my changes.

It’s good. Real good. The changes work. I made them work. They work!

Disbelief.

Always trust the process.

-D.M. De Alwis